Sorry, you have to wait until a kid who literally walks two miles per hour gets back from filling up half the class’ water bottles.
Why do you ask? With Oconomowoc’s newest protocol, all students must wear a neon yellow ball and chain around their neck when they wish to leave the room. But why did that one kid have to take everyones water bottle anyways you may ask? Because if everyone waited in line to fill up their water bottles individually, it would take the entire hour before everyone had their water. This isn’t a joke; I have experienced this first hand. However, since I actually was going to, like… pee my pants, my teacher wrote me a pass. When we both returned to class at the same time, the teacher was so relieved that both of us were able to return within a five minute period! Crazy how quick things can go when you don’t have to wait by the door for your responsible (or irresponsible) classmates return from their own personal duties.
This fabric lanyard is fondled by every kid who wishes to relieve themselves during class. According to a study conducted by the Bradley Corporation, only 66% of people wash their hands. Also, get this: only 70% of those people that even bother to use the sink use soap! Soap! This means that just over 4 out of 10 kids properly sanitize their hands after doing whatever they need to do to get dry and clean. Per block, on average, more than 10 students use this pass to leave the class. If only 4/10 actually clean their hands, but the pass still touches all other ungodly bacteria without being sanitized, how safe is this pass? Our health is at stake!
Will the Oconomowoc Bathroom Pass create and spread a new virus?
Will we do anything to stop this madness?
Fight for yourself, fight for your health, fight for your sanity!